Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
