I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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