Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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