Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
