we have pet lesbian snakes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
