the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
