look no pants
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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