we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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