Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
