There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
