a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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