I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
