I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
