I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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