i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
