hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
