I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
