6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
