No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
