I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
