I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
