You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
