when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
