so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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