I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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