Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
