It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
