I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
