i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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