so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
