i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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