Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
