Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
