Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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