Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
