I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
