Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
