I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
