Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
