He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
