Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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