May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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