Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
