We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
