You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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