i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
