What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
