Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
