i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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