i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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