I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
