I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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